Leaving, on a jet plane......again.

So, the word is on the street. Those itchy feet have made me consider new opportunities and  I'm off again. To some, I don't think it's a massive surprise that I'm off on my next adventure. The 'coming home' experience was not everything I thought it would be, although, I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and that I was meant to come home in order to know where to go next.

Hindsight is the greatest thing, right? I now know that I made a snap decision to leave Australia. And there will be a lot of 'I told you so's'. However, on the flip side, once my decision was made, I then moulded into the happiest I've ever been. Looking back, I know I couldn't have stayed in a recruitment agency role (as much as I loved my job and my boss!), but I fell out of love with the recruitment industry. So, purely on that level, I knew I had to come home and move into an inhouse role as my visa would not give me that opportunity in Oz. My journey was to take me to Mothercare in order to find out about Alshaya, which has now opened more new doors for me to step through. 

In my past blogs, I have spoken a lot about friendships. To me, my friends represent the lack of partner in my life, they have taken the place of a husband and child(ren) - sometimes to my detriment. My family are the one constant in my life, however, my demands on their time, love and support can sometimes cause friction as they cope with their own demands. I'm well aware of that. But readjusting to your surroundings takes time, patience and understanding from all those around you.

I've learnt a lot over the past 10 months about how I'm perceived, how I deliver my words and the fact that, actually, I do have a lot of patience and I have changed, but some still assume I will react like I used to, so they back away. So, the question is, are people open to change or do they fear it and stay the same as its easier?

Someone told me recently that in response to not having the 'big' occasions in my life yet (a marriage, children, buying a house with a partner), I'm actually chasing my own 'immense' rollercoaster rides, which invariably includes moving abroad and starting again. I used to fear the unknown, the fear not being known and the thought of being in a place where no one knew me filled me with terror. But, oh my, how that has changed. It's now my desire to be somewhere new, to be unseen, to walk around incognito and only tell people parts of my life that I want them to know. That, my friends, is my new passion. That and not starting my sentences with 'no, but'. Right Zo?

My counselling course has taught me a lot of personal things. I've realised I have a fear of abandonment, which makes me smother my friends & family in many ways. I expect people in my inner circle to think of me, like I think of them - and when they don't, I am always confused & feel let down which then makes me question my relationship with them. But that's my issue, not theirs. And it's something I'm working on, which will take time and effort. It's hard to try and tweak personal idiosyncrasies when you're surrounded by people who may judge you on your past behaviours. I know that I speak my mind, but I have never done it with malice or cruelty. I never speak to maim someone. Ever. But some feel it's okay to speak their truths to me and I have to take that on board? How is that fair? Others judge my honesty as a negative and yet, when they want a new perspective or advice, who's the person they'll come to? My point exactly. But I always have open arms and (hopefully) an open mind when they do come to me.... 

University also taught me a raw truth - that I am hardly ever listened to. I speak, people hear me, but they very rarely listen. Because if they did, they would see how hard I've been working to try and tweak my behaviours, that my personal journey from Australia (and around the world) has made me change my perspective. I am no longer angry at everyone. I try not to judge. I have a mostly positive outlook on life and I try and be happy almost everyday. My journey to Kuwait will give me a new perspective on my career and my finances. And who knows, perhaps one day I will be a lot happier with who I am, with what I have to offer and will get the opportunity to feel unconditional love. But for now, I'll travel the world and take you all with me via my blog.

And right now, that's just enough.


xxxxxx