Oh, don’t you just love being
single in this day and age…well, no, actually…most people don’t.
Singledom, for me, has been a way
of life for a very long time. I was in such a cloud of grief after losing mum
that I couldn’t see straight. I made a very bold statement not long after she
died of ‘nothing now can ever hurt me again’ and I believe I put my mind to say
‘well, what’s the point in getting into a relationship if I am unable to love
again’. Sounds dramatic, but that’s exactly how I felt.
The move to Australia, to me, was
the start of the beginning of the rest of my life. It cleared so many cobwebs
out of my life, and I started the long process of finally seeing me and what I
can achieve if I really put my mind to it. A lot of people assumed I would
settle in Oz, with my strapping ‘bruce’, throwing shrimps on the barbie…but it
was a tough market out there. And really, I went there to find peace within me.
Challenge accepted and nailed.
‘Getting out there’, as I am told
frequently by some, does not equate to finding someone to date. Believe me.
There is nobody who is ‘OUT THERE’ more than me. I socialise all the time – and
yet? Nada. Yet no-one has ever introduced me to their other halves friends or
any suitable work colleagues….and considering how many friends I have, I find
that quite amusing. Paying for online dating seems to
cause more anxiety than happiness, in my view. It costs a fortune, when you add
up the numerous sites you feel you have to add your profile onto. And when you
send messages, wink, nudge, smile, whatever you need to do to attract the
attention of someone who you think looks alright and seems to have put some
effort into their profile, they ignore you!. Ha! And there’s all my friends,
who are in relationships telling me to get online and find the one. Would you
do it? Would you put yourself in the firing line to be rejected? I don’t think
you would. Most people are not brave enough.
A friend of mine (single) was
talking to a male friend of hers (also single) and they were discussing the old
adage of meeting someone in a pub/club and starting up a conversation. She
mentioned that this never happens anymore, which I can absolutely vouch for,
and his response was quite startling. He said ‘why would I try and chat up a
woman and get rejected to my face, when I can go online and message 30-40 women
and if they ignore me, I have been rejected, but am none the wiser’. Is this
the future that us singletons are facing? If so, I’m not sure I want any part
of it….But what baffles me are the men (in
my age bracket) who are only looking for the ‘slim, athletic, young’ women. And
it stumps me, because that’s all they’re concerned with. Has it really gotten
to this? That it is all about appearance? I’ve had so many cases where I start a
conversation with a bloke who seems quite nice and somehow, we come round to
body type (as it does) and I’m honest with them. Plus, my online pictures are
in real-time, of me today, not of when I was a size 8 at 21. So why are they so
disappointed when I explain I’m a ‘bigger girl’? And, surprise, surprise, out
of radio contact they go. Disappear. Gone. Just like that. A minority, granted,
but it still stings.
I’ve been on a few dates
recently. I’ll leave the comedy stories for another time (or perhaps the book
I’m thinking of writing) and it’s safe to say that it absolutely is a numbers
game – as a wise friend told me once. When you do actually get messaging
someone, and it transfers to ‘whatsapp’ and you talk for a week or two, find
you have a number of things in common, it so disappointing to then meet and
know, instantly, that they’re just not right – and I am not talking about looks.
I mean, the spark, a connection, fancying someone. It’s a tough call.
I was once asked if I was gay. Because apparently being single for so long
constitutes that I must be, right? Well, no. It doesn’t. And even if you think
that someone might be gay, you never actually come out and ask them because, I
know from wonderful individuals within my close circle who are gay that it
takes a whole shipful of courage and strength to announce it. If I were,
believe me, I would not hesitate to shout it from the rooftops. So I think I’ve
cleared that one up. Once and for all. Just in case there was any question
about my sexuality!
My facebook post recently, about
how my friends met their other halves bought up some interesting facts. That
actually most of my friends have been in relationships for a long time and
therefore would have more than likely met in a pub/club etc. Newer
relationships are more likely to be online, but I still have the view that,
actually, nothing beats meeting someone in person, rather than through a
‘profile’. So, thank you to all who commented with your stories.
I’ll persevere with this crazy
dating cycle, forever the optimist and maybe one day, I’ll meet ‘him’. But do
you know what? If I don’t, I get to live a life that I am proud of, a life that
I love. With the love and support I get from all my friends (male and female)
and my family, if marriage and babies aren’t meant to be written in the stars
for me, well, I’m absolutely at peace with that. Single for me isn’t a lonely
life. It’s a full life that I already have that I simply want to share with
someone. That person won’t fill a hole that is missing. They will simply hold
my hand as I continue on this journey called ‘life’.
Because, being with someone
doesn’t make you whole. I am whole, as me, as Holly….and as my new tattoo
states….being ‘the original’.
Love, in abundance, to you all
xxx
