Mistletoe & whine....

Yes, yes, I may be a month early, but seeing as I have a wonderful Christmas present arriving on the 17th December, I'm going to be far too busy kissing Liam & Charlotte's feet for making the trip to see me, than writing a blog!

Christmas. It stirs up 100 different emotions in me, when the decorations are put out in the shops in September and the carols are playing in all the shopping malls. This year will be doubly strange as, obviously, I am away from home at Christmas for only the 2nd time in my life. I've always tried to do the best when buying presents, but now, I realise, that I perhaps did myself more of a disservice by trying to buy unique and thoughtful gifts when it was not always appreciated, needed nor reciprocated? And, in turn, I put myself into debt for absolutely no reason. Why did I think that my present would make someone's Christmas, when they get so much? And why do we put such an expectation on the level of gifts at Christmas, when surely it’s about being with the ones you love and honouring those who are not with us? Kids don't understand quality, it's all about the quantity - so why the constant excess?

My mum set a precedence for the sheer volume of gifts received at Christmas. I used to get a black bin bag FULL to the brim with presents, and so did each of her grandchildren (I always got more than Kim and Stu as mum said it was because I didn't have kids.....Why do you think I never had a child of my own??? LOL!). And the first Christmas without her, that big black sack was reduced to a few perfect gifts, which my sister had tried heroically to do with what she could in place of mum.....and my heart sank. I was 30 years old, and I actually could have cried because, who was going to now buy me those gifts I saw throughout the year? The CD system for my car? The new boots? The winter coat? And I had a very sharp shock that day and it made me realise that it actually wasn't the norm for anyone to be showered with that many gifts. And that from now on, it would be ME that bought myself those things....and I have, and I do. But it was a bitter pill to swallow as that was all that I had known, all my life, every christmas. And now? I love getting my handful of perfect gifts because they are personal and they are exactly what I want. And even just to get one present, we should all be extremely grateful that someone took the time to spend their hard earned money on you. Please don’t take it for granted, as that person may not bother next year - and it shouldn't be a 'right' to receive gifts, it should be earnt.

Nothing takes the sting out of not having Mum around on Christmas morning. She used to make us all wait on the landing, whilst she brushed her teeth (which seemed to take FOREVER) and then she would go downstairs to see if the presents were there (I’d like to say this it was just for the kids benefit, but no, Kim and I were just as excited). And then she'd put the fire on, press play on the cheesy Christmas music and shout out "he's been". And it would sound like a herd of elephants coming down those stairs, with me at the front, wrestling with Charlotte, Kayleigh and Liam to see who could get into the living room first. We would then all be hidden by the sheer amount of wrapping paper thrown into the centre of the room, and on a couple of occasions, there were tears (bikes received, Hifi's given and my brown suede cowboy jacket - remember that, Stu?). Mum would then set about cooking Christmas dinner, feeding the 5,000 (usually, there was a minimum of about 20 of us – maximum if I remember was 28 people one year) and I was relegated to the 'kids table' until I was 23...which caused much anger and chaos with me when my niece charlotte was promoted to the 'adult table' at just 14. Really?? Then the sitting around watching the queen's speech, preparing yet more food for the 'evening party' which saw all my uncles, aunts and cousins turn up to play 'Hi Harry', apple bobbing and dead lions (to get at least 10 minutes peace). My 6 nieces and nephews were usually relegated upstairs to play with their new toys, so that us adults could get everything ready for the evening, with the strict instructions to stay out of my room. Needless to say, all 6 of them never took a blind bit of notice of me and rejoiced in being able to turn my bedroom upside down and inside out. And the volume of sound! My god, it was like white noise! But, come midnight, that noise would subside, there would be kids bodies asleep all over the house and mum would stay up to clean everything away as she didn't want to have to “come down to this mess in the morning”.

And, hand on heart, I would give anything to have just one of those Christmas days back again.....as I never actually realised what we had then, and how situations and people change, that those kids have grown up and some have their own families now - and how that we'll never have a Christmas day like that again. So make the most of it this year....as it could all be completely difference next year.

So, my special delivery arrives on the 17th December at 6am. I literally can't breathe when I think of them arriving....and I've already warned Liam that I will be throwing myself at him and sobbing my heart out on his shoulder. By then, it would be 11 months since I've seen a member of my family. So I think I'll be entitled to cry my eyes out a little....and the plans we have for their 3 week stay are phenomenal! I'm looking forward to the week travelling up the east coast in a little camper van, just the three of us. We have just 7 days to drive over 1,900 kms - but between us, I'm sure the driving won't be too bad as long as we have some decent choons to sing along to. Stopping off at Port Macquarie, Byron, Brisbane, the sunshine coast (to see a few friends), Hervey bay, having Christmas day on Fraser island (jealous yet?) and then two days on the Whitsunday islands to check out the reef. A quick flight back to Sydney, just in time for the massive New Year Eve celebrations. They're going to need a holiday to get over this trip....

And when they leave, it'll be 12 weeks until I leave work, and 15 weeks until I leave Australia and start the amazing journey on my world trip extravaganza, to get me back to the UK. And I'm actually quite concerned about how well I'll adjust being back home and how well others will adjust to me being back. Things will have invariably changed - but how much? Who knows. Perhaps that’s for the next blog.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a rip roaring new year. I know I will.

Love you

Me 
xxxxx

Spring Forward....Fall back?

I learnt to surf recently. I say 'surf' when what I actually mean is that ' I learnt to cling onto the board for 10 second intervals without being slammed into the water by a huge wave'......turns out, surfing is mostly about balance - who knew?? Ha! I blame the board, myself (yes, workman, tools, yadda yadda), but apparently my board was too short for a beginner (have I just set myself up for a slew of short jokes there?). But I frickin' loved it! What an adrenalin rush! And I think that because I have an irrational fear of the sea, having the wetsuit on and the board to hold onto, I felt ridiculously safe and secure. So I can't wait for the next time I get to go surfing - maybe I might actually get to sit on the board and stay upright for longer than 3 seconds.....Nah, that'll never happen...

 

I haven't touched on the whole 'living the aussie life' for a while. I think as a newbie arriving back in Oz after a long hiatus, it was like coming to a brand new country. Everything had changed massively since I was last here, and it was hard to adjust to the rose-tinted memories I had of 'my Australia' to the real life one. The biggest adjustment was the lack of empathy or even just the social skills of the majority of Australians. They have a great reputation for being very open, friendly and inviting absolutely everyone round for a 'barbie' everyday :) And the reality is so much different. The Aussies I now consider my friends here are the exception to the rule. But all the Brits I speak to here have had the same issue - the Aussie’s have their lives, their friends and their inner circles and they just can't be bothered. This vision of Australians embracing 'overseas visitors' with open arms is a myth. I spent two weeks walking around Balmain, when I first arrived, trying to drum up a conversation with absolutely anyone - and they just didn't want to know. Weird.

 

So, a quick snapshot of the differences I've seen since being here, to the UK way of life:

1) Aussies have a better work/life balance - they work to live, not live to work.

2) Drink driving is not frowned upon here - honestly, people think nothing of downing 3 or 4 alcoholic drinks and getting in a car to drive home. However, as soon as a bank holiday arrives, the government smackdown with a 'double demerits' weekend. Basically, if you get caught on that weekend drink driving, you get double points on your licence. A really good idea - if they could just catch them more often!

3) You can't buy alcohol in supermarkets or convenience stores. Nope, they have specific liquor stores which open only in the evenings and only then can you buy your beer/vino whatever. Which I kinda like that - plus also, a lot of the restaurants are 'BYO' (bring your own), so you can literally rock up with 2 bottles of wine from the liquor store and drink it with your meal.

4) Parking...here's an odd one - you HAVE to park in the direction of the traffic flow. So you'll never see a car parked towards you, on your left hand side. I'm a little on the fence with this, as I’ve seen some loonies do very dangerous 'U' Turns in order to grab that parking space on the other side of the road. BUT - it stops trying to have to pull out over both lanes.....genius or flawed?

5) Furniture collection - this is my favourite. Once a month, the council comes round and collects all the old household items you no longer want/need, whatever it's condition. So I have managed to swipe a new wash basket, a beautiful table and chairs for my balcony and two sunlougers! All for free......and you can literally walk round the roads, pick up the items and take them home! Whatever’s left, the council takes. Absolutely brilliant idea...and it works.

 

A good friend of mine came over to Australia to do a bit of 'travelling' recently. I don't think in a million years she ever expected to have the rollercoaster ride of emotions that she's been on, and it completely shocked her. The readjustment of being somewhere unfamiliar and alone, was massive. She began to doubt her ability, her trust in herself and her capability of just going forward. And do you know what? She's only bloody did it. All alone. It took a bit of cajoling and a bit of an a*se kick, but she went off and dived head first into the 'travelling alone' club. And purely on that basis, she's leapfrogged to the top of my 'awesome' list as I'm not sure there are many people who could do what she's doing.....and I know you probably think you could, but could you really? Most people would rather go on holiday with someone they barely know, just because it’s someone....rather than being tagged as a 'norman no mates' for going away on your own. How many of you have sat in a restaurant alone? Gone to the cinema alone? Is there a stigma attached to doing these things alone?

 

Well, if any of you have been travelling/on holiday on your own....I bloody salute you. You are amazing. And if you haven't done it by now, chances are you never will. And I'm not saying it’s a bad thing, I just think that there are some people there who can't, some who won't and some that just say 'I'll give it a go" and run headlong into it. Awesome.

 

I've been thinking about the whole 'life change' thing over the past few months, as it’s amazing how you try and put new processes into place and the *boom*, something can happen that blows all your hard work apart. And I'm realising that it's a slow process, but a necessary one. Obviously, my changes are mainly to do with my lifestyle and diet - hence the sober October thang again - as I can't seem to lose weight whilst I drink like I do. So, who knows, maybe the no alcohol process may last longer than a month? But I do know that exercise is key to my weightloss and as a wise woman told me recently, 'don't exercise when you're free - plan it into your weekly routine and stick to it'. So that's the small change I am making - but it made me think....when I come home (and if I don't get sucked into my old habits immediately), what would I like to learn/do with my free time....not to sound maudlin, but has anyone ever written their 'bucket list'? The list of the things you'd like to do before you kick the, err, proverbial bucket? Here's a few I've thought of.....what would you add to yours?

 

Learn to ride a Horse

Write a book

Learn basic sign language

Travel America to do 'Route 66'

Go to Europe more often, see more of the UK

Learn to cook - properly

Ride a motorbike

Walk the Inca Trail

Sky dive?

Drive an Aston Martin

Stay at a 5 star hotel for a weekend and be treated like royalty

Read a book that changes my life....

 

It would be lovely to know what you would like to do - if you had the chance? I read this quote today, and it resonated with what I'm trying to say:

 

"Put your fears aside and get started. Do something. Do anything. Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever".

 

And to finish - a joke about my Nanny Hamilton. Not sure if this will translate, as it’s usually told in person - and some of you won't even know who the famous man is!

 

Picture the scene - a sunday night at home, watching TV and having sandwiches & crisps, waiting for 'Sunday night at the Palladium with Jimmy Tarbuck' to come on.

 

Nan turns to Grandad and says 'oooh, I like this fella, old Jimmy Tarbrush" - to which my Grandad says, 'No love, it's Buck'. Nan's response 'yes, of course, silly me, Buck Tarbrush'.

 

Well, regardless, I frickin love that story.....and it makes me smile everytime I tell it.....

 

Have a great weekend people

 

Love Hols

xxxxxxx

Randomness....

As of this Friday, I have been here 8 months. Wow. I'm doing that time all over again before I come home - so I wonder what the next 8 months hold for me? I haven't really got a theme for this blog, just some random thoughts that have popped up over the past few weeks.....so, here goes:-

 

I was told a few months ago that I’m a very good procrastinator. And do you know what? Turns out, that person was spot on. I’ve moaned about being overweight for years, yet did nothing about it. I hate smoking, but, same same. And the only thing I actually did get done was selling my house and moving out here – so maybe the bigger the decision, the easier it is to do?

 

Living in a ‘beach culture’ country is a nightmare if you are at all conscious of your figure. It doesn’t matter if you are big, small, short, tall – every woman has issues about her looks and no matter how much you tell her otherwise, she’ll brush it off with a ‘whatever’. Confidence is something that is learnt, not inherited. My mum was beautiful, had the most amazing skin, sparkly eyes and could knock spots off most other women in the room. Yet, every time she had to get ready to go out, more often than not, she would have a small meltdown because nothing fitted her and she hated being bigger. I spent the most time at home (as Stu and Kim moved out quite early) and I really believe that living at home with her for so long, I naturally picked up her eating habits, her lack of self-confidence (although she hid it well) and her capability of putting on a smile when you feel like sh*t. Being out here has made me realise that you can change – but only if you really, really want to. And I really want to - it's a long process, but I hope it'll have the right result in the end.

 

My point is this – you may have some issues with your body, ladies, however, try not to voice them when your daughters/nieces/little sisters are around. Because, if you look deep enough, you’ll see that perhaps those concerns you have about yourself are not real or true and that they are probably due to the fact that older women in your younger life had those issues, and you’ve just automatically taken them on. And, if you are one of the few that have absolutely no issues about yourself, where do I sign up to learn that??? J (And, I'm sure the male contingency who read this (if there are any), will say all your issues about your body are in your head. Men love women's figures no matter what size or shape - right fellas?)

 

I just wanted to thank all those who emailed/txt and called me with their lovely words after my last blog, which included a few stories about my mum. I rang my niece Charlotte, a few days after the blog was published, and she said she had laughed and cried in equal measures – and we then proceeded to laugh like drains over more family stories. One in particular, I’ll end this blog on. But it made me realise that my wonderful nieces and nephews (Gemma, Harri, Josie, Charlotte, Kayleigh & Liam) are the true legacy that my mum strived for. These 6 adults, who had her influence for a number of years, were scared to death of her (if they did something wrong, the usual threat was ‘I’ll tell nan’) and loved her unconditionally – in equal measures. That’s how it’s meant to be, isn’t it? Respect is earnt, it’s not a right – and my mum absolutely demanded respect. Her grandchildren were the light of her life and they would all fight over who was staying over at ‘Nanny Holly’s’ almost every Friday and/or Saturday night (Baywatch, French stick with ham, Blind Date and the goody cupboard were a staple diet for them all). And isn’t it amazing that although they are all grown up now (two are now parents themselves), whenever we get together, invariably the conversation will turn to those precious days at St Johns Court, where there was always a roar of laughter, the clinking of glasses and the smell of a roast cooking. And no matter where in the world any of us are, and how old we get, those memories will stay with us forever.

 

To finish….this is just a little story about my nephew Harri. Imagine a beautiful, brown eyed 2 year old, who wore a Barbour jacket, flat cap and could say 'goodbye' in 7 different languages. It’s Sunday lunch at mums; we’re all around the table (even the kids – sitting on 3 cushions on the chairs, no highchairs in our house – mum wanted them to learn table manners!). So, there’s Harri with his tea towel wrapped round his neck as a bib, tucking into a gorgeous Sunday roast, with most of it around his face. Mum turns to my sister in law Lisa and asks ‘Lisa, what is it that you call Stuart?’ (obviously meaning some sort of term of endearment)…… and as quick as a flash, Harri pipes up with ‘Bastard, Nan. That’s what she calls him’.

*Cue hysterical nervous laughter*

That beautiful boy is now a strapping 6ft 2 handsome man, who has a heart of gold and will probably kill me for putting that story on my blog. I’ve got 100 more stories about my darling nieces and nephews, but perhaps I’ll save them for when I’m home, back in the arms of my family and we’ll all get together and reminisce again…..for the millionth time.

Keep smiling, keep making those memories

 

Hols

xxxxxx

 

Memories are made of this.....

Religion is a funny thing, really. I have friends who are believers/followers and friends who aren't. There are some who are staunch 'if I can't feel it, touch it, taste it, it’s not real' opinionators and those who believe in a 'God' of some denomination. Then there are the believers in the "what you put out there, you receive back" club and that the joy of living a pure and simple life really will bring 'karma' to your world. Me? Hmmmm....I just sit on the fence with this subject (getting splinters!). I envy those who have a belief system as I honestly think it brings a kind of 'balance' to their lives. But, I don't believe in God - that’s the truth. Going to a catholic school at the age of 7 until 11, being forced to go to mass every week, but not being able to have holy communion (*unfair*), and listening to the wise words of Father Falloon, I was open to believing in it. Then my Nan died when I was 8. And I saw the complete destruction that losing her left behind. And no one -not my teachers nor anyone at the church - could answer succinctly enough the enquiring questions of an 8 year old. I got told that her job here was done, she was needed elsewhere (she had 10 children and 32 grandchildren - surely her job was with her husband and family?), that only the good die young.....not sure those were the kind of answers I was hoping for. I decided not to have an opinion on religion until I really needed one, and I was enthralled at my friends whose beliefs just seemed to make their lives that little bit better. I was slightly jealous that they had it, when I didn't/couldn't believe. I was hoping that perhaps, if there was a god, I would have a divine intervention, a sign that would have been sent to me to make me realise that there is a religion that suits me (whatever it may have been....Judaism, Buddhism, Catholicism- whatever), but no one gave me a good enough argument to start believing.

And then I lost my mum to breast cancer when I was 29. And I vowed to never follow a religion for the rest of my life....because, obviously, there is no "God" if she was taken away from us all.

And yet, nearly 8 years later, after having that crushing body blow happen, I feel now that I am ready to try and believe in something again. Whatever it may be. I am hopeful that one day, something will just make sense to me and that'll be my cue to take it on board. So my mind is open to the opportunities that may come my way, and I may try a different version of these religions (not really feeling the scientology, you'll be pleased to hear). I hope to understand why those who do believe, do - and I hope that with their guidance, perhaps I may find that 'eureka' moment myself...and if not, well, I've done okay so far without it.

Talking of my mum, she's been on my mind a lot recently. Her birthday is in a couple of weeks and after a lifetime of spending a few months before trying to decide what to buy her, that habit doesn't just disappear. I miss her terribly. When you lose a loved one, whether it was 6 months ago, or 20 years ago, other people seem to forget that you have a piece of your heart missing every day for the rest of your life. That there are some really bad days, when all you want to do is pick up the phone and hear her voice.

I wish to god she had gotten to grips with her mobile phone long before she got ill, so she could have put on her best 'telephone voice' and recorded a voicemail message which I could occasionally listen to....she never did, and I only hear her voice when I get to watch a family DVD (normally, it’s the resonating roar of 'HOL-LLY' that rings loud and clear which still makes me laugh). I know I am the one out of the three of us who is most like her. But then, I was the one who lived with her the longest. We rowed like cat and dog, she was always right (sound familiar?) and yet, she could make all my troubles disappear with one motion of her hand to 'come here' and then to pull me into that embrace that made me feel truly safe and loved. She was my oracle - she always had a great saying about a particular situation, she always made me roar with laughter, but she would be my fiercest protector. I know a few friends who came up against her in the past, and let’s just say, they didn't win. She was stupidly stubborn (didn't talk to me for two weeks once, and we lived in the same house) and she was overly generous with her time and money to those who asked or needed it. And it breaks my heart that she never saw me get married, or have children.

BUT.....I know how stupidly proud she was that I went travelling around the world at 23, even though she never wanted me to go (on New year’s eve 1998, I called her from Australia to wish her a happy new year -it was 1.30am Oz time and 2.30pm on new year’s eve day for her - and she shouted out across the salon 'Holly's in the future - she's in 1999!"-Genius) She never forgot to tell me regularly how much she loved me and that I could do whatever I wanted with my life as long as I was happy. Well, Mum, I'm very happy. I made a great choice moving out to Australia, as it has given me the chance to reflect, reorganise and redirect where my life should go. So thank you for making me the person that I am today - I am more like you than I care to admit, but that's not such a bad thing, I hope.

One more story about mum and then I'll shut up about her. We went to Greece with my sister and the kids in 2001, literally the week after Mum had lost her dad. She desperately needed a holiday and Kim and I were at a loss as to the best way to help her smile in her darkest days. One night, we were sitting on the balcony, just the three of us, having a drink and watching the sun set across the sea, talking about life, love and the universe. Suddenly, mum sits bolt upright, points to the sea and shouts 'there's a body floating in the water!". I got up, took a look over the balcony, shook my head and said 'no mum, it’s a buoy'......to which she looked at me in confusion and said 'how can you tell if it’s male or female". To this day, I still don't think I have ever laughed so much in my life -I literally thought my ribs were going to explode. I think the other holiday makers thought mum, Kim and I were a bit mental....well, if the cap fits.

As the famous quote says....We do not remember days, we remember moments.

So, as you all may now know, my trip home has been booked - WAYHEY! I leave work at the end of March, spend a bit of time with my Brit/Aussie families and then I head off to Bangkok on the 19th April 2013. I literally can't wait to get on that travelling road. Although a part of me is absolutely sh*t scared about doing most of the trip on my own, but I'm sure I'll be fine - as long as I stick to the main roads and don't accept sweets off any strange men (unless they look like Brad Pitt). So my plan is this - Bangkok for a few nights, then travel down to a place called Cha Am (where the Thai King goes for his holidays). Relax on the beach for a week, back to Bangkok and fly over to Ho Chi Minh City for the 12 day trek through Vietnam and Cambodia. Then I fly to Beijing to go to the Great Wall of China and see Tiananmen Square. Onto Dubai for 3 days and then I hit LA. I've been booked into a nice hotel in Beverley Hills - I SO have to go into a shop and say the 'big mistake, big, huge' quote.....just because :) I get a connecting flight from LAX to Hawaii and spend 7 nights there - back to LAX and then I fly home. I should be so relaxed by then you could fit me into a matchbox. Then I have to start the whole rigmarole of finding a new job.....can't wait. Not.

Spring is just around the corner and I honestly can't frickin' wait. My friend Suzanne arrives in two weeks’ time from home, as she's going to be travelling around Australia for a few months - so coming to see me first (natch). Hopefully my brother will be able to wangle a nice business meeting over in Sydney - although if I do see him, I have a feeling I'll just sob in his arms for about 4 hours. And then I'll probably do to him what I did when I was a little girl. Whenever he used to visit mum and me from the big smoke, I was always SO happy to have him at home for a few hours. Naturally, he would then have to leave to drive back to London - and I used to throw myself on the floor and wrap my arms around his ankle and hold on for dear life (I was only 10 at the time, not 25 I may add). I have vivid memories of him trying to walk up the hallway with me sliding across the carpet, weighing his leg down. Can you imagine me doing that at Sydney Airport??? I think I would do it just to embarrass him...that's actually made me laugh out loud.

So that's it for now. Hope you've enjoyed this installment of my random thoughts and views.

Do me one favour, will you? The next time you see your mum, give her an extra big hug from those of us who no longer have that luxury. We'd appreciate that - and so would she!

Big snogs

xxxx

Milk, anyone?

A wise woman (my mum) used to tell me 'you can always see the picture more clearly, once you're out of the frame'. Changes are afoot. Can't put my finger on exactly what or how, but I know its happening. And the clarity I've had over the past few months has been life changing.

I spent a lot of my free time when I was at home rushing around every night of the week, having dinner with friends, working late, trying to keep up with the never ending birthdays, anniversaries and friend's new arrivals (births) and kid celebrations.....and it recently occurred to me that perhaps I wasn't doing all that just for everyone else. Perhaps, I was doing it to make myself feel better. That if I didn't forget so-and-so's daughter's birthday, then when my life choices come around, that person will remember what I've done for them and I'll get it back, right? But it doesn't work like that, does it? So-and-so has a number of people remembering their daughter's birthday, so why did I think that I was so important in the grand scheme of things? Actually, I'm really not. And isn't it true that you don't give to receive? Or have most of us forgotten that and we only do things that benefit us in the long run?

I've been to so many weddings I've lost count (and being a bridesmaid 12 times has to be a record), not to mention the hundreds of christenings, hen dos, house warming parties, baby showers, first birthdays and engagement parties...phew, I'm exhausted just listing them! However, reflecting back on the money and time I've spent on all those life choices that my friends and family have made (which I have been fortunate enough to be a part of), I began to wonder.....will I ever get that karma coming back round to me? Reaching 37, never been married, no kids, not in a relationship that will provide any of those choices in the immediate future...Hmmm, probably not anytime soon. On paper, according to some people, I should be married, I should have a bloke and I should be thinking of having kids (*should* seems to be the word that everyone attaches to my life). But my selections so far have made me who I am....and the fact that I haven't had a wedding or a hen do or a baby shower (yet), doesn't mean that it won't happen. But I would appreciate it if people would refrain from pressurising me, as I think I'm actually doing okay. What if marriage is not meant for me? There's a thought. What if I don't ever have kids?That's a massive possibility at my age. But will that make me less of a woman in some people's eyes? Would it make me less happy? I think not. But before that small minority decides to judge where I am and what I do, just take a step back and look at your own life.......take a deep breath and be thankful for what you have. I will be a 'mum' one day. It may not be biological, I could be a step mum, a foster mum, an adoptive mum....but someone will call me mum in the future. And until that day comes, I'll be living the very best life I can.

In previous blogs, I've written (quite angrily) about people who I had classed as friends who really haven't bothered to get in touch since I've been in Australia. On reflection, I think that I was perhaps a little too quick to judge as maybe these people just don't understand what it's like being thousands of miles away from home. I honestly know that none of those people are doing it to hurt or upset me, but perhaps because we were able to have a quick catch up once every couple of months at home, that that part hasn't changed for them and by the time my name pops up in their consciousness, they think they've left it too long to get in touch. You haven't. I promise you. I think I've realised, now that I've been here for a while, that I don't need the constant activity from all my friends (and I am truly blessed to have so many). But I know they are there - should I need them. And vice versa. So, apologies if anyone took offence to my previous rantings, but unless you've done it, the physical pain of being away from home can alter your rational way of thinking.....seriously.

I'm not actually sure if there was a point to this - I seem to have gone off on a bit of a tangent.....but I think you get the jist. My life has changed 360 degrees in 7 months. I no longer strive for acceptance from people who I really shouldn't have worried about in the first place. People either like me or they don't. Simple. I no longer race through life trying to please everyone. I only try and make sure that whatever it is that I do, or wherever I go, that I am happy with that choice. And I am happier than I have ever been. So, however tough it was in the beginning, its a process that you have to try and rationalise and make sense of, which takes time and I have made mistakes in that process. I am sure that when I get home, there will be relationships that will just pick up where we left off - and there will be some that would have changed forever. But maybe it was just time to re-adjust and re-group?

Food for thought?

Talking of food, ironically, I have been recently diagnosed with a Lactose intolerance. Finally, after 12 years of not knowing what was wrong (having all types of skin tests, food allergy tests etc etc), a lovely specialist here in Sydney advised that I needed a small operation and he would find out once and for all what the problem was. And he did. Genius! So, lactose is similar to a dairy intolerance in the types of food I'm allergic to, but dairy tolerance is an immune system issue. Lactose isn't. No more milk, ice cream, yogurt or cheese for moi. Dammit. Although, I've had to start reading the backs of food labels as you would be amazed at the amount of food that has milk, whey or a milk substitute in it. For a person that hates cooking and hates fussy eaters, turns out, I'm going to be turning into one of them......A whole new eating experience is awaiting me....and it's a massive process to change the habits of a lifetime in a few weeks. But, it has to be a lifestyle change....the alternative is just not an option.

Dry July - so I managed 31 days without alcohol. Did I miss it - absolutely. I did realise that, actually, I can go into a pub and just have a soft drink and that's okay (which is something I had forgotten - especially as I don't have the excuse of driving over here). I'm glad that I managed to do it as I never thought I could and I didn't get swayed. I think it was harder for those around me - as they seemed to look at me guiltily whenever they were sipping their vino in my company :)

I intend to make up for it completely in August, starting with this weekend's outing to 'The Star' Casino on saturday night. It's going to be messy - I'll probably end up face down in the gutter by 9pm. Sheer class, me.

Thank you to everyone who sponsored me, together we raised over $500 for a Cancer Hospital charity. We rock.

Big love

Hols

xxxx

31 days without a drop of alcohol.....really?

6 months. Blimey. Feels like a lifetime ago since I landed here. Not just 24 weeks.

I can't get my head around the fact that I haven't actually hugged a member of my family for 6 months. And you lot know what a 'hugger' I am. In fact, a while ago, the 'Brit family' and I had a long (drunken) conversation about how people hug.....none of this 'bend-from-the-waist-and-pat-on-the-back' malarky. If you're gonna give someone a hug, then go for it.....full body hug or just don't bother. Don't scrimp. And now, can you picture me and 5 others, all taking it in turns to hug each other in the pub? I think the other patrons in there thought we were some kind of random cult.

Winter is in full swing here, and although I got told off by certain individuals after my last blog about the cold weather, seriously, unless you've been here during winter, you have NO idea how cold it gets. However, we have had a slight reprieve and the sun is shining. My perfect kind of weather - brisk, but with bright sunshine. I had a wonderful arrival two weeks ago, in the shape of one of my best friends, Julianne, and she had packed for full blown winter. However, the sun came out to play for most of her stay and it made a wonderful change from the last 6 weeks of rain (please do not roll your eyes at this point because of the lack of summer in the UK!!).

As you may have seen from numerous facebook posts (those of you on it), Julianne and I ate, drank and socialised for England. We spent a lot of time with her brother Matt and his fab girlfriend, Tash, getting to know the proper sydney, as they have lived here for 12 years. It was amazing to have Jules here, as it was like being at home. However, the day she left, the homesickness did hit me quite hard. I suppose that's only to be expected when you've had a friend of 25 years come and stay with you - and we laughed like drains. Heaven.

 

Watching the Jubilee Celebrations from over here has not helped the homesickness either! Dear god! I couldn't bear to turn the wretched TV / Internet off - it was like a form of self harming. I literally was bursting with pride, seeing the pomp and ceremony that we pulled off so well. No other country in the world does anything close to that. So big round of applause for all those friends who posted piccies of street parties, fancy dress do's, drunken shenanigans (oops, think that bit was me) and general jubilee nonsense on facebook.....it was wonderful. Thank you.

 

Facebook. Now, there's an issue that has is causing some controversy at the moment - a few people have mentioned about coming off facebook. Let me tell you a little story about why I love it (apart from stating the bleeding obvious that it helps me feel a part of home...?). When I was 11 years old, my mum and I went to spain with my aunt, uncle and two cousins. Whilst there, we met another family who had two sons, Mark & Richard. Us kids spent the whole two weeks joined at the hip and I stayed in contact with the boys when we returned home - via letter and a few phonecalls (which cost mum quite a few quid - oops!). We lost contact when I was about 15. Until 4 weeks ago.

 

I had gone out with one of my aussie friends, Lisa, plus the brit family to say 'adios' to our good friends for a few months. Lisa tagged me on a facebook photo when we were drinking 'porn star' martini's and black sambucca on a school night. Turns out, Mark, has been living in Australia since 1999 and has been friends with Lisa for years. What are the chances? He saw my name, found that I still had the St Albans connection and he put two and two together. It was genuinely a wonderful surprise and I am arranging to meet Mark, his wife and their gorgeous new daughter in a few weeks. So, that, my friends, is why I love facebook. Use it, don't use it. But don't shut your account down just because you're bored of it. Because that old face from your past may just pop up out of nowhere and make your week too.....

 

So, I am already arranging my exit from Sydney - I leave work at the end of March and then I intend to go and see the world for a month or two. Not sure where yet - got a few ideas, but as usual, it all depends on the coinage. I've had a few people ask me why I am so sure that I don't want to stay in Australia, and I can't seem to explain it in enough detail........but I'll try again. I miss my family. I've missed seeing a new great niece being born (when am I EVER not around for a new arrival?) and I've realised that since losing our Mum, Kim, Stuart and I have formed an even tighter bond that goes deeper than just being siblings. Stu is my work 'guru' and my logical head when I need straightening out. Kim (or Lil, as I always call her), is for everything else. She is the most amazing woman I know. The love and emotional support she's given me since I've been here has blown me away. And I miss them (and their kids, and their kids kids!) - Every. Single. Day. I was told by someone when I left that even by just by getting on the plane and following my dream, I've achieved an amazing feat. However, I don't think i'll understand it fully until I get home and reflect on my time in Australia. But, hand on heart, without my family and friends supporting me from the UK and here in Oz, I wouldn't still be here now.

 

Oooo, a bit deep that. So here's a closing thought. I'm doing 'Dry July' for a cancer charity this year (to try and detox my liver). The responses from people have been mixed (why am I doing that? How am I doing that? I could never do that). However, if I had announced that I had given up the fags for a month, I would have been patted on the back and congratulated. But the no alcohol thing? Amazing how alcohol is so much more acceptable in social circles than smoking these days......just a thought.

Until the next time.....

 

Big snogs

Hols

xxxxx

Baby, It's Cold Outside....

Now here's a funny thing. The first time I came to Australia in 1998, I remember it being really flippin' hot. Like 24/7. I seriously don't remember it being cold. And definitely not this cold. Now, before you all start harping on about how cold its been in the UK etc, we expect the cold and rain where we live. Its what we do. Moan about the cold and the rain. However, over here, the temperature drops so rapidly at night, I have to put 3 layers on AND the heating. Except, most homes don't have what we know as central heating - they just have reverse Air Con units. Yup, like that's gonna keep me warm. It ends up feeling like a baby yawning on you - a little smelly and a bit warm, and it only lasts for a split second.

So, I had to go and buy a plug in heater from 'Dick Smith's' (dont ask) as there is no alternative to Asda, Homebase or Matalan here. Okay, so there is Target and Big W, but you need a car to get to the huge shopping centres and *shock-gasp-horror* they don't put all their items from their stores on their website to order for delivery. Seriously? So, heater is working - sort of - and the flat is a little warmer than the temperature outside. I had to resort to putting the gas rings on when I got home most nights last week as it was that cold - I felt like a student! And it's not even winter yet - that kicks in June. Can't wait. Although the morning and evenings are cold, during the day the sun comes out and its blissful! But then you are stuck with three layers to carry around with you. Can I moan anymore about how cold it is?

So, since the last update, lots have been happening on the social front (not that this will surprise many of you). A good friend got married a few weeks ago and the wedding was awesome. Its was just lovely to see the slight differences between a british and aussie wedding. Over here, they make far more effort to 'dress' for the occasion - more hats and fascinators. Also, the service was seriously quick and really good fun. The priest was hilarious and made some great jokes. The reception venue overlooked the Harbour and you could see the Harbour Bridge in the background. Was so special. And then we had a boat take us across the harbour when it was time to go home. We also had 'Anzac' day last month - remembering the battle at Gallipoli and honouring the service men and women who are still in active service. I also got to play '2-up' which is the easiest game EVER! Its basically head or tails and you flip two coins and you bet on heads or tails - whichever comes up, wins! It's very simple, easy to win (or lose) a lot of money in a few minutes and people get very excited by it. But the law states you're only allowed to play 2-up on Anzac day only. Hence why everyone goes bonkers for it. I loved it.

Anzac was a superb day and it really made me think how we just don't celebrate these kind of things at home. Yes, we have 11/11 and we stop for the 2 minute silence. Thats it. We don't celebrate our service personnel who are still fighting for us. We don't celebrate St George's Day (even though every other country has a day that celebrates it's heritage - Australia day is MAHOOSIVE over here). And it just makes me feel a little sad. I'm not going to get on my soapbox about why we don't bother with any of these celebrations, but all I will say is, unless you have been in another country when their day of celebration is happening (Ireland for St Patricks Day, America for Independence Day etc) then you won't understand the passion everyone else has for their country. I know we have it, but it's like the *mute* button has been pressed on us. I'm just saying.

Anyways, back to living the life of Riley.....

Went to the Hunter Valley region at the weekend, for a festival of wine tasting called the "Lovedale Long Lunch'. It was seriously good and so well organsied, considering you probably had 10,000 people moving between 8-10 wineries! We started drinking at 10am (don't think I've ever started drinking that early) and its all finished at 4pm. You can imagine the state of some people! We saw about 20 people all dressed up as Smurfs, which was hilarious and there were also the pink ladies and t-birds. The 'Aussie' girls I went with were absolutely fantastic fun and we should have known how the day was going to pan out when Del fell down at ditch at 9.30am! I actually couldn't catch my breath for laughing - literally all day. A quick snapshot goes something like this: Mosey scaring the cows; 'Where's Holly?'; Copiuous amounts of vino; Hijacking the bus driver to take us to the pub; 'Fencing' us in with his parking; Kirsty Grills collecting so much wood for the fire and keeping 'her b*tches warm'; Show us your 'half pidge' and 'I am a tree in a pot'.........Makes no sense to you lot, but it was one of the funniest weekends I've ever had. So, to my aussie girls, I salute you - hardcore until the end and you all managed to be bright eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning....how???

A funny thing occured to me recently. As you all know, I have a large circle of friends at home who's one common denominator is me. But when they are pushed together (normally, by me, for some pink party fund raising shenanigans) they usually get on really well. But, since I've met my 'Brit family', I've realised that I spend a majority of my free time with a group of just 8 people - which I've never had before. We meet up 2-3 times during the week and then we usually spend Saturday day/night and sunday day together. Normally, that wouldn't appeal to me, as I've never really had a circle of friends like that (think Carrie et al in SATC). And now I have it, I love it. The girls and I put the worlds to right and the boys just humour me with my lack of knowledge of just about everything. But it is just SO easy. Like we've known each other forever. I feel protected now, that these people 'have my back' and that if I need anything, I have them beside me. And that's made me very happy, knowing I have this support network here.

So, time to sign off. Us Brit family are away in Port Stephens this weekend, so I have no doubt there will be more laughter, sambucca (stu!) and stories to tell in my next blog. I am loving my Sydney life, but I think its not only because of the friends that I have made here, but because I know my time here is limited. And I will make the most of every weekend to make a lifetime of adventures to bore you all with when I get home.

Life is good. Very, very good.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

G'day!

So 3 months. 12 weeks. 90 days. Wow. Some days it feels like I've been here for years, other days it feels like I arrived last week. Not sure which is the better feeling...

Not sure what to write about in this 3rd blog, but I'm sure I'll manage. The last two blogs I had a defined reason for writing, this time, I feel like perhaps I should get my feelings written down, not just the practical side of living in Sydney. Practical side first though anyways, methinks...

So have a new lease of life now that I've signed up to the car 'rental' scheme. It's absolutely genuis. And it gives me the choice of being able just to 'pop' out for a couple of hours to do those dreaded errands that are a nightmare on foot. I've considered actually buying a car, but for the times that I need to use it, the rental is definitely the cheaper option. Next on the shopping list is a bike - buying it this weekend. Have realised there's quite a few bike trails for us to use on the weekends around Balmain, so gets me out of the house, I get a little excercise and it's FREE! And yes, I probably will look like Hetty Wainthrop on my bike :)

It amazes me that Australia as a whole seems to be advanced in some ways, but decades behind in others. They are leaders in sun skincare (there is never an adbreak on the tv without being reminded of skin cancer - hence the 30 factor everyday, even if its overcast), their fresh fruit and veg in the supermarkets are divine (does put Tesco et al shame) and just general lifestyle ways are so ahead of the UK. People seem to spend so much more time outside (obvious fact insertion of good weather here), but they think of nothing of driving 4-5 hours at the weekend to go away somewhere, just for a break. If we drive over 5 hours in the UK, we're nearly in scotland - anything over an hour or two is classed as 'too far' for a weekend getaway on a friday. We only consider driving those hours if we're going away for a week. But the Aussies are raised on acknowledging that their country is so big, you have to drive (or fly) for that long, just to get somewhere interesting - and they make that effort. We could do more, considering that you are never further than 75 miles from a beach in the UK....

The negatives would be that technology is about 10 years behind. The nightmare I had to get a landline and Wifi installed was horrendous (i'll never complain about Sky or BT doing the whole thing in a day again). However, the one thing I have noticed is that it sometimes feels that you has stepped back in time to the 1950's. Example: Most kids get out of their seats on the bus for older passengers without being asked - its instinctive. Men on a whole are a lot more chivalrous out here - whenever I get into the lift at work, as soon as we get to the ground floor, the men stay back and let all the women leave the lift first. Every. Single. Time. Its so lovely to see. And I'm not saying the british men don't do that, its just its not very common. And here, it's every shop you go in (men hold the doors open), at the bars (men allow you to get served first) - its just a little 'old school'. And I like that. And I hope that that part of the Aussie way doesn't change too rapidly. So, last week I was on the bus (public transport is brilliant out here - although if it was tweaked slightly, it would be world class) - and my ticket got swallowed up by the machine. After lengthy discussions with the driver (whilst he was negotiating the streets of sydney), he told me to write down my name and address and i'll have it sent back to me. I was a little hesitant as a) how do I know I will get it back and b) I've just given my address to some random driver. Anyway, I handed my address over, convinced that I wouldn't see said ticket again and that my flat would be burgled! However, today, I get home and *TA-DA* my ticket is in an envelope which had been posted to my address with a note apologising for any inconvenience. Would that happen in London? Would you be so trusting? Would they?

So, that's some of the detail of living in a different city. Some of these things are state-the-bleeding-obvious simple, but some aren't. Sydney is a wonderful place. It has amazing parts that constantly surprise you (the little bars down side alleys which you find on a random lunchtime walk), the access to the beaches, the harbour bridge and the opera house (natch). You can't beat those views when having a cheeky drink after a hard day at work. However..... For those of you who know me well, I was never a 'london-ite' and to get me into the capital took a lot of cajoling, blackmail and promises of copious amounts of red wine. But what I have noticed is that in london, you have an abundance of different areas, that no matter what time of day (or night) you get there, they seem to be teeming with people and just by taking a left hand turn, you're in a different area completely. I just don't see that in Sydney. Its very spread out and there just doesn't seem to be that general *vibe* here. Although, on the flip side, I feel extremely safe walking around sydney at night alone. There are no 'gangs' of kids on street corners and there are no *yoofs* with their trousers halfway down their arses, walking around like they have a tennis ball caught under one foot. God, I'm beginning to sound like my mum.

Funnily enough, I've had a lot of chats with my sydney girls, my workmates and, obviously, my family and close friends about my time here so far. And I know that, right now, I can't see myself living here long term. Yes, its an amazing city, I do love Australia - but its not going anywhere and I can come back for holidays as often as I want. I'll always have good friends living here (accommodation - sorted!), but to me, my family and close friends mean everything to me. My immediate family consists of 12 people - that's a lot. Most people only have 3 or 4. But they are my lifeline and I need to be with them. That's just me and how my world works. And I have missed being with them, arguing, laughing and having a cuddle off them all....

So, my plan is this - stay in Sydney for another year - make the most of it and have the lifestyle that I've always wanted. Then, around May next year, plan my route home (hopefully taking in some travelling like Vietnam, Hong Kong, Cuba, Hawaii and the states), just in time for the summer months in the UK. And then try and find a job - and not in recruitment sales, I've decided. I want to change my career (not sure to what yet, so any ideas would be gratefully received) and live a more work/life balance existence - because Sydney has given me that. It's made me get off the corporate wheel and sit back and look at what I have, what I've done and what I want.

There has been a lot of thinking and weighing up of the pros and cons since I've been here. I've spent more time on my own out here than I have collectively in my entire life! And I've grown to realise that I like my own company and that being alone (but not lonely) is a good thing. Gives you space and time. But, regardless of where I end up, by coming out here I've proved to myself that I can achieve things, if I put my mind to it. Without Sydney, I would never have sold the house and got out of that catch 22. Without Sydney, I would never have known that home is where *my* heart is. And without Sydney, I wouldn't be planning to change my life again.

Watch this space :)

Big snogs

Hols

xxxxxx

Two months....and counting

Okay, so I've passed a milestone (I think). I've been here two months now and, honestly, it feels like 6.
The day to day of living in Sydney is actually amazing. I get the bus to work (via the Anzac Bridge) and I'm now getting complacement about seeing the harbour bridge out of the bus window everyday :) What a view. The public transport is superb, although, like all major cities in the world, unless you know exactly where you're going to, you can't find the right bus. Apparently there are a number of apps that help, but if you don't have an iphone, you're screwed. For instance: had to get over to Cremorne for drinks last saturday. Got into the city and went to *where* I assumed the bus would go from. It was only when I asked a bus driver, he looked at me with pity and explained that on this particular road, the buses go the opposite direction to where I want to go. Oops. So I had to walk two blocks to get the right bus. Of course, silly me.  I've since found out that there is a superb travel website that will help next time. The blonde strikes again.

My apartment is literally my sanctuary. I hadn't realised for a long time how much I missed having my own space. I loved having the house, and I lived with some awesome people (who have become dear friends), but just the general upkeep and cleaning made me exhausted. So now, when I clean the kitchen and I come home the next day - Ta da! Its still clean. Who knew? :) Although I do wonder who will be my first guest from home to come and stay with me. I have a brand new sofa bed ready for that first overseas guests....so, get booking, people!

I know I've said it before, but Facebook has been a lifeline to me. To hear about whats been happening at home, to know what my darling family and friends have been up to is music to my ears. But, it's also made me realise how fragile life is. Over the past two weeks, I've had friends and family go through terrible times and being over here makes me feel completely helpless. I know there's not much more I can do there, that I can't do from here (apart from give people a hug), but its the realisation once again that I am so far away. So feeling a little deflated and homesick today. It was bound to happen.

Work is amazing - the work/life balance in sydney is one that I think London should adopt more of! I don't think i've worked 9-5pm since I was about 20. I suppose it helps that when you pop out for a sandwich at lunchtime, the sun is shining, you see people in flip flops (thongs!) and with their sunnies on. Yeah, that definitely helps.

So I've lasted this long without a car and so far, I've loved it. There have been times where I needed that car immediately (like trying to get 12 bags of shopping home from the supermarket), but on the whole, its a real revelation to me. As I literally drove everywhere at home. Walking? Moi? Never....But now, because I don't have that option to jump in the car, I get my trainers on and just walk. Ha! However, one of my friends has pointed me into the direction of the 'Go Get' car hire. So, there's a number of cars dotted around the city and suburbs and you pay a deposit and they send you a swipe card. Go online, book your car and walk to collect it. Swipe your card over the windscreen (it opens the door) and the key is attached to a pully. Off you go! And it only cost $10 per hour. All in. Bloody brilliant. So, next time I'm at a loss as to what to do one sunday, that's me and the micra off to find another beach.

I have to say, I am finding the cost of living in Sydney very expensive (someone did warn me about it, but I refused to acknowledge it). LOL! So, for instance. In the local pub, a bottle of house wine is (on average) $40 per bottle (26 quid - don't have a pound sign on this keyboard). For a bottle of house wine??? Dear god. I went to the supermarket at the end of last month to do my 'big shop' and I filled up the half sized trolley (not the really big ones). I literally bought the essentials (lots of stuff to freeze) and it came to nearly $300! I nearly passed out. So, although the salaries at basically double what you would get at home, in dollars, the cost of living is literally double. But its do-able. Just.

So I can't do my blog without mentioning my new gorgeous friends. First of all - the aussies. I met them through my cousin Don, and from the start, they made me feel like I had known them years. So, I'd like to introduce Lisa, Kirsty, Clare & Louie. Top, top birds. And they get me drunk. All the time. Love them.

And, naturally, my 6 sidekicks from the british contingency. I was at a loss as to how to make new friends when I first got here. Yup, it surprised me too, but the average aussies don't really want to get involved with you. They seem to have their circle and don't want to add to it. Which I understand. However, when you're far away from home, being taken under someones wing could make the difference of staying or going home. So, step forward the 'Brit Girls'. We had all signed up to a website called 'poms in oz' and one girl had put a posting about needing new girlie mates for, and i quote "tea, cakes and champagne'. So we arranged to meet one tuesday night - it was like the strangest blind date ever! But the 6 of us hit it off immediately and we had a great night. So my brit girls are: Hayley (a teacher), Jayne (an accountant, married to Ian), Sarah (married to stu), Angela (telecomms engineer, married with a little girl) and Zoe (and editor, living with Tom). Then we met Sophie not long after and she's become part of the 'originals' too. We all meet up on a thursday for 'thirsty thursday' drinks and a few of us do the pub quiz on a wednesday night. Plus, we try and meet up over the weekends. And literally, within a few weeks, all of these ladies (along with the aussie girls) have become my lifeline. We laugh like drains, we all have a lot in common and we just genuinely love each other's company. So, even being 11,000 miles away from home, I am once again blessed with amazing friends.

So, that's my update for now. I have had some people blow me away with their support and encouragement from home. Others...hmmm, not so much. I get it that people's lives still carry on without me (i'm not *that* important LOL!), however, taking that huge step to leave everyone I love to come over here, alone, has been the toughest decision I've ever made. And yes, I know I always give off the impression that I'm the strong one and that I don't need anyone or anything, but *newsflash*.... I do. I need to know that I'm still a part of your life, that I haven't been forgotten. And as dramatic as that sounds, its how I feel out here - across the other side of the world, without my life support system. And if you are busy, just drop me a txt. Say hi. I don't need an email that the equivalent to war and peace, but just let me know I'm in your thoughts. Because I'm damn sure if it was the other way around, it would be a different story.

Oh, and I turn 37 in two weeks. Am *SO* not happy about that.

Love and laughter

Hols
xxxxxx

The leaving, the arriving, the settling.....

So, I promised to start writing a blog about my time here in Australia. Now I’ve got my internet up and running, now seems to be a good place to start.....I’ll try to be as honest as I can J

So, the week leading up to leaving was very emotional. If I could have twitched my nose and skipped the goodbyes, I would have done.  Arriving at the airport, I had a ‘little’ issue with the weight of my large suitcase, so had to quickly buy another suitcase and redistribute some items. Thank god my sister was with me.  Dad, Pat, Stu & Sue all arrived at Heathrow and we sat and had some dinner, whilst we were waiting for me to go through to departures.  At one point, I had a slight ‘panic’ about going and had one of my family members asked me not to go, I would not have got on the plane – that’s how serious it felt. It suddenly dawned on me exactly what I was doing and I questioned at that point whether I could do it.

The goodbyes had to come at some point. I was doing okay, until I got to departures and my dad held out his arms to me. I literally sobbed my heart out. I don’t think I’ve cried that much and that hard since losing mum. I couldn’t let go of my dad and he kept telling me that I can do this and that they’ll all just be at the end of the phone and if I want to come home at anytime, I can. Stu was very brave and just told me to go out to Oz and kick some ass. Then it came to say goodbye to Kim. And I lost it again. All she whispered to me was ‘I can’t say anything’ and I said ‘then don’t, I know it all already’. And I just clung to her as if my life depended on it. 

I got through to departures and I couldn’t really function properly. The heaviness I felt in my heart about leaving my family and friends hit me like a freight train. All I wanted to do was to run back through departures and get into Kim’s car and come home. All the braveness that I had about coming to Oz over the past year deserted me. And here I was, in Heathrow, on my own.  I can’t seem to put into words what that felt like, but believe me, nothing will ever be that hard again as getting on that plane was.

The first leg of the flight was fine – slept most of it (thanks to a cracking sleeping tablet) and I was seated between two blokes – Ben (who was 30) and who was moving to Oz to be with his girlfriend of 8 years and John, who lives in Manly, and who was returning home after visiting the UK. They were lovely and we kept each other entertained. The 2^nd leg was tougher, as I seemed to be all ‘sleeped-out’, so I tried to keep myself occupied by watching about 5 films!

Got to Sydney and was greeted by Bernadette and Dan – was excited to be there but, typically, it was raining! Got back to their apartment and I felt all out of sorts......just the thought of being here, finally, was hitting home.  The jet lag kicked in, so I went for a sleep – got up 2 hours later, could hardly string a sentence together, so went back to bed. Finally got up at 6pm and we all went to the pub for some food. I was a little low, trying to put a smile on my face, but failing miserably.

On the Monday,  I got up and thought ‘right, need to find somewhere to live’. Walked into Balmain town and tried to register with a number of estate agents, but they were all so rubbish! All of them told me that it would take me 3-4 weeks to find something and once i did, I would have to put an application in and then its up to the landlord??? Saw one apartment, which was a two bed, but it was awful. Smelt of mould and was quite gloomy (not much natural light), so this then set me back a few paces. Got a call from an estate agent I had been in touch with when I was in the UK and she asked me to go and see her. I turned up and she took me for a walk to show me an apartment which was coming up for rent in a few days. I took one look at it and loved it. Got the paperwork to her and it was mine by the end of the day! Apparently, I’m now in Sydney folklore as no one finds an apartment within one day J

Now I had the place sorted, I just needed to find the furniture. Bern mentioned that ‘Radio Rentals’ were still in business over here, so I looked on their website, rang the store and got it all ordered for my moving in date! I know that sounds very easy, it was, but there was a lot of paperwork to do which i won’t bore you with. Needless to say, without the help of my boss, the estate agent and bern & dan giving me references, I wouldn’t be sitting in my gorgeous flat now. Managed to do a lot of shopping at Target, Big W and Ikea......the retail therapy worked wonders :)

I needed to also find my way around Balmain/Sydney – so managed to find the bus routes and off I went. I spent a lot of my first week just walking down Darling Street (the main street in balmain) and also walking round Sydney city. I even managed to get myself over to Manly and spent an afternoon sitting on the beach, watching the surfers (where I managed to lose two of my favourite rings, when I took them off to reapply suncream and forgot to pick them up again). Dammit!

Went in to meet the new team – our office is just on the corner of Darling Harbour and the views are immense! Its kind of like a regus office, but its so central, it’ll be handy when I’m doing my ‘coffees’ with new clients. The team were awesome – Ed is my boss, he’s originally from the UK and he’s been here for over 7 years. He’s married to Tamara, who does the HR/Marketing side of the business. And lastly, there’s Adam. He’s originally from Newcastle, so it was hilarious to hear a Geordie twang inside an aussie accent.  They made me feel so welcome, and I couldn’t wait to start with them.

So the rest of the week was just in limbo – I didn’t want to be a burden to Bern & Dan (they have been phenomenal to me), but I also didn’t have the luxury of having a) a car or b) a list of people to meet for lunch or to have drinks with. That’s a tough lesson that i’ve learnt too. Moving to a new country and a new city is exciting, however, the people and accessability I had to my friends and family I think I may have taken for granted. I know that I’ll meet new people and get my own circle of friends going, but right now, not having that network here is a brand new experience. Not necessarily an enjoyable one (!) but I know that will change once I get into work.

However, the txt messages, the emails and the phonecalls I’ve had with my family and friends have made the first two weeks much happier. There have been times I’ve been crying with laughter at drunk txt messages I’ve received and I’ve been laughing down the phone, having random conversations - and thank god for the amazing technology of skype!   

And I’ve realised that, although  I may be 11,000 miles away, I’m always close to peoples hearts and in their minds. And for me, that’s enough.

(thank god for facebook!)

xxxxxxx