The Arabian adventure is coming to an end. It has been a unique journey, that’s for sure. A wise man (my dad) told me that even though I may not understand it or see it right now, the reasonings and lessons to be learnt from my time here will become crystal clear in the future. Another wise man (Dave Wallis) told me that what you’re worrying about now, you won’t be worrying about in a year’s time. And a year goes by so quickly, doesn’t it? And thirdly, my wisest of men (my big bro) once told me that sometimes it’s more powerful to say nothing than to react to certain situations, which for me is a lesson in itself! I do hope the three wise men in my life are right….I’ll let you know in due course J
What have I learnt from my time away (again)?
- That I am adaptable. That I am able to change my perspective, my views and my need to be right all the time (still work in progress, but I’m constantly working on it!).
- That I am brave, even though most days I don’t feel it, but to pack up and move to a unique country with no contacts is extremely bold. And scary. Very, very, scary.
- That I am loved – truly loved – by my family and friends. Even though I have questioned some relationships in the past, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. And it also reminds me that I am not required to be everything to everyone, like I have strived for in the past. To be liked, accepted and approved of has been my mantra since I was a teenager. I've spent the majority of my adult life exhausted! And do you know what? Those who are in my life are there for a reason, even the ones I don’t speak to or see from year to year. You’re still there. Don’t ever think you’re not.
Someone once questioned how I could juggle so frequently the friends that I have – well, firstly, I don’t have a husband and/or children to take my centre stage. I only have to think of me and what I want to do, with who I want to do it with! Secondly, I have history and memories with everyone who I consider a friend. It may be from my (much) younger days, from Harry Smiths, school, work or even because we bumped into each other in a random country and spent a day together, but history we have. And that, my friends, is worth nurturing.
I am a firm believer that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. To have landed in Kuwait, not knowing a soul and to have an old friend from 20 years ago facebook me and tell me not only is she in Kuwait, but that I can move in with her, was actually a moment I will never forget. How is that possible that after losing touch for 8-ish years, we both end up in the same country, at the same time and pick up where we left off? Lizard, you have been my guardian angel – thank you J
So, what’s next? That’s a tough question. I was on skype with a wonderful friend a few weeks ago and her husband popped on screen and asked me why on earth am I coming home to ‘the same old sh*t’ (or words to that effect). And it got me thinking. Is that what I’m doing? Returning to the same old, same old? I don’t believe I am because I am different. I have learnt so much about myself over the past 4 years, since I made the decision to move to Australia. And now, I can say with complete clarity that I had mistaken homesickness for loneliness when I was in Oz. I was never alone, but I was lonely. And that was something I had never felt before. It’s only with hindsight that I can look back and know that, yes, moving home from Oz was the right move for me because as much as I loved it (still do, always will), it’s was still too far away from my family. But I learnt so much about myself during that time and it will always be the best 18 months that changed my life forever.
But when I moved back to the UK, I had an expectation that I could just slot back into people’s lives and be that stalwart support that I’ve always been. But guess what? Everyone had managed to live without me just fine whilst I was away – who knew? Life carries on when you’re not around on a daily basis, and people adjusted to the change – of course they did, what did I expect? But it was such a shock to me, to adjust to being back and nothing to have changed - when I had seen and done so much. So when the opportunity to move abroad again arose, I jumped at the chance. Kuwait has been a wonderful experience and I am so glad I have done it – to have met the people I have, to have seen the places I have seen – it’s been another fantastic chapter to put into that memory book. But like all good chapters, it has to end.
And this time, I know what I am coming back to. I know that I want to find my own place, get a superb new role, finally remove all my stuff out of storage and put down roots, wherever in the UK that may be. Perhaps even meet someone (wouldn’t that be a shock to you all!). I want to re-invigorate my soul to being a new version of the best parts of the old me. To find that all-encompassing mojo that has been hidden for a long time. Here’s to the future – in my 40th year, I think I’ve finally worked out who and where I want to be. Let's hope this is the start of more amazing stories to be told.
I’ll never lose my wanderlust to travel, and I will continue to see new amazing countries and cultures (I have a wish list already written out) but I’ve learnt that, no matter where you are in the world, there is no place like home.
Always, Hols xxx
